I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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