so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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