i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
