I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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