I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
