I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize