You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
