Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
