So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
