sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
they need to just BURY HIM!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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