he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
