We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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