; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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