They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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