How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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