Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
