you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
