Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
