C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
