Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
