Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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