i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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