I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
