Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
