i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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