Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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