saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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