Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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