you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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