i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All the doctor said was why
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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