He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize