Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
