oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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