I want to stick my p in your. b.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
