a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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