bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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