the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
