I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
