my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
