I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
