Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
