Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
