My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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