Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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