I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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