I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
