Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
