I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
