I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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