he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize