I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
