The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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