All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
