i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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