does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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