Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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