singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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