i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
