They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
