Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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