he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if only i could text you this smell
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize