is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
