I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
