They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
