I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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