so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
