Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
