it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
