they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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