Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize