Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
