Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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