So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
