I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
