He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
