I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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