It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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