You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
