She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
