i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize