then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
