i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
