Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
