So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
