i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
