... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
