her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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