Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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