Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
