That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
