I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
