omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
