there's paper in my vomit.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize