You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize