So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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