Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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