: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
