just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
