K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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