you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This baby is an asshole
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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