omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
