If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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