New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
