I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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