dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
