If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
