It was confusing and full of hummus
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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