Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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