Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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