the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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