He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
